what the hell is pms anyway?

it's PMS WEEK here at silly = sane, but what exactly does that mean?

the acronym is for "pre-menstrual syndrome," as i'm sure you already know. but i'm going to re-define that as "pre-menstural symptoms." that word "syndrome" bugs me. it implies i'm somehow abnormal or have a disease. dude, my body is just getting ready to dump some unused eggs and give that fat ol' uterine lining a natural lipo, ok? that said, the effects of those working biological gears are pretty real... and pretty amazing, if you think about it.

that is, when i'm not scared out of my skinny jeans by what the hell my body is doing.

what you feel leading up to "that time of the month" may be different than for me. maybe for you it's just a craving for salt and an annoying whitehead, while for me it also brings real concern that my subcutaneous tissue is about to trade places with my epidermis. in fact, there are upwards of 150 symptoms associated with PMS, which basically renders the medical term useless as a medical term. a recent "controversial" research review took a critical look at the actual studies out there concerning PMS. it found there wasn't enough good research to definitively say PMS affects anyone with a uterus, and what good studies were out there (sample size and methodology and all that jazz) gave conflicting results. (find a Cliff's Notes version here.) it's a good reality check; we can't write off every bad mood as "oh, it's just PMS" (lame). i do think it reflects this inane and insane propensity to medicalize every nut and bolt of a woman's life, especially when it comes to the biology of poppin' out bay-bez. but, all that said, for me and most other moms i know, PMS is certainly not overblown. and while we shouldn't feel like we're inherently horrible for having estrogen, we also shouldn't let it be an excuse to spit obscenities at our loved ones.

so... here are some pointers for making a very real hurdle easier to clear:

• planning   it's called a cycle for a reason. there's a measure of predictability here that can work in our favor. if you don't already, map your moods and mark the days so you can find your own pattern and have a better idea of what's coming down the road. which leads us to...
• period   knowing what your body is doing, and why, makes it easier to handle the changes that come with that cycle – good (libido), bad (depression) or inconsequential (the zit will eventually go away). go back to sex ed if you need to with a Google search. which leads us to...
• perspective   as with colic and potty training, "this too shall pass." knowing that the negative stuff is temporary makes it easier to work through the tough emotions. and maybe even laugh in the midst of the worst days... and maybe not.

if you have daughters, use these times as teaching moments too. it's still going to shock her when it all starts going down. but there are some foundational things we can do now for our girls. i've got quite a few years yet before my girls hit puberty (something i'm thankful for... and my husband even more so). so you moms and dads with girls who have "entered womanhood" need to chime in here. but here are some things i think we can help our young girls learn to do now that will help them later:

• put words to their feelings
• pay attention to what their body is telling them
• be confident about who they are

as parents we need to get rid of this veil of shame that seems to surround lady parts. it's not "down there." it's a vagina. (come on, you can say it!) and yes, there was blood in the toilet after mommy went potty. but it's normal and shows my body is working as designed. (and, yes, it is yucky, too.)

what do you think? what does PMS mean to you? what are the toughest symptoms you deal with? what helps you get through that phase of the cycle? did things get worse after having children? what about you moms of boys? what do you tell your future men?



credit where credit is due: the red background for the title image comes courtesy Patrick Hoesly via Flickr.

alert! alert! the DEFCON mommy warning system

to start us off with PMS WEEK here at silly = sane, i've pilfered an idea from the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Department of Homeland Security. why? because if you're like our family, the home comes near to a war zone about once a month. and even if it's not "that time of the month," let's face it – parenting young kids can get yer dander up (incidentally, there will be more on old sayings such as "yer dander" later this week).

sometimes children (ok, and husbands) can be a little oblivious to what we feel certain is perfectly obvious: that our insides are starting to flip onto our outsides. but while our skin may feel like it's crawling, we do in fact look perfectly normal. we have not changed color. so there is a bit of help we need to give our families to help them recognize the warning signs.

one warning i've turned to a lot with my 5-year-old is the mental image of a thermometer brought to the bursting point. "i'm HERE, Sweet One," i say, holding my hand at the crown of my head. it's not above my head yet, but i'm close to falling off the deep end, so this warning tells my kids to dial down the whining and dial up the "ok, Mom" niceties. and of course, there's always the "hi, welcome home – i'm leaving" response to The Spouse when he gets home from his outside-the-home work. (how's that for obvious?)

another successful strategy for our family has been to create a Google calendar (color-coded red of course) to track the expected arrival of the topic at hand so as to anticipate when Crazy Momma might be in the house. this helps lay the groundwork for a defensive response. PMS is a nice enemy to have in that it's somewhat predictable. but that doesn't mean there won't be surprises. it wouldn't be much of an enemy otherwise. so it's good to be ready for battle at a moment's notice.

the key here is not to see yourself or your biology as the enemy. the only enemy is hormonal havoc – when things go too far. and for that, there are various conditions of defensive readiness:

DEFCON 5: normal peacetime readiness

the risk of hormonal havoc is low. life continues on its normal track. the kids are still going to whine and make you late getting them to school or music class. but that's standard operating procedure. expectations of duty and respect always apply. but spilled milk is not worth crying over (yet).

DEFCON 4: normal, increased intelligence and strengthened security measures 

the risk of hormonal havoc is guarded. there's a marked increase in sigh-and-mumbling chatter. but there's no real cause for concern yet. throw in an extra thank-you and hug and you're good.

DEFCON 3: increase in force readiness above normal readiness 

the risk of hormonal havoc is elevated. vacuuming takes on unusual importance. clumsiness increases. preparatory actions are taken: diaper bag is packed and ready for mobilization. pizza delivery is put on speed-dial. messes are quickly cleaned. coffee is hand-delivered.

DEFCON 2: further increase in force readiness, but less than maximum readiness

the risk of hormonal havoc is high. in fact, it's probably happening. we are in the red zone and deploying evasive maneuvers. meals come out of a bag or box. coffee comes from the hand of a barista. four walls are avoided with frequent errands and outings. children's screen time sees a marked uptick.

DEFCON 1: maximum force readiness

the risk of hormonal havoc is severe. if you've reached this defensive readiness condition, it's already too late. all that remains is to address the fallout. take the children and run. (but hand mommy that cup of coffee before you do.)

we routinely reach DEFCON 2 and have been able to strategize effectively to neutralize the threat most times. charting the movements of the enemy helps. but we are no strangers to DEFCON 1. then it's just all about escape and waiting for the storm to pass. because it always does. and that's a key part of the strategy, too: perspective. it means showing your kids that mommy's silly face always comes back, and there's never a bad time for a hug.

what about you? do you face the same battle? what strategies have worked for your families? what's in your anti-insanity arsenal?

pms week: an overview

it's PMS WEEK here at silly = sane. (annnnnd, all the men just left the blog.)

i got this idea in the middle of a battle with said "syndrome". and i hope all you other silly-minded parents driven insane by hormones will find some sanity in this week's themed posts! because, let's face it, laughing at the extremity of mom nature is the best way of dealing with her fury. hopefully these posts offer something for you to come back to, for a nice reality check when you're in the emotional whirlwind yourself.

here's an overview of where we're going:

today: tsunamis, nuclear warfare, tornadoes ... it's about time there was a mommy warning system. help your family (and your self) stay alert to signs of the hormonal enemy's approach and avoid ambush.

tuesday: pms is not well understood. some doubt that it's as prevalent as we think. those of us with kids know better. breaking down the facts, with tips on how to prepare daughters for their own coming lessons.

wednesday: book picks time! these picture books focus on emotions and help young ones learn to put words to their feelings (and offer helpful reminders to mixed-up mommas).

thursday: a humorous lesson in patience and perspective from guest poster Jes, who writes about avoiding Mt. Momsuvious when channeling our inner Mother Teresa fails. (she's gonna blow! or is she?)

friday: cryminelly and what the sam hill? those aren't on the list, but i'll offer up 5 other non-swear words that are nearly as satisfying as the four-letter word you really want to use.

have your own perspectives to share? or have a blog post of your own on this topic? add a comment to any post, and let's keep the conversation going!

we're on a fort hunt

forts are a childhood essential. if i have to convince you of that, you are hopeless! bedsheets over the furniture, at the very least. but beyond that is even better, and for that we have to go outside. i remember the tree fort my dad built for my little brother, high up on the trunks of the evergreens in the woods behind our house. i remember the fort he helped me construct down in those same woods but at the roots of those trees so i could pretend to live like The Boxcar Children (and then got too scared to actually stay in the thing). i remember the hollowed out tree – by what seemed like a river bank but probably was a seasonal creek – at my friend's dairy farm. one of the highlights of that one was a stairway carved into the mud.

sigh. what a fun way to experience the dual powers of engineering and imagination!

our family recently moved. back at our old house, there wasn't much room outdoors for fort-building. we did most of our forts with bedsheets inside. we had an apple tree, but it was far too small for any kind of fort action. then, in a rare genius moment, i looked at our alley-access garage in a whole new way. that stairway up to the door from our backyard may be just the right size...

some free scrap wood, an old corkboard, a $5 salvaged window, and a 25-cent length of old linoleum and we had a fort!

the concrete foundation made a perfect canvas for sidewalk chalk creations. tea parties were a regular feature. we moved before we got around to adding a mailbox or a PVC-pipe "telephone."

now, in a new place, i'm scouting around for good fort opportunities and coming up blank. the loft in the old carriage house would be perfect, but we're not comfortable putting small children at the ground floor yet much less the upper story accessible only by ladder. there's a fruit tree that will be perfect for a swing (if the drippy sap doesn't act as a permanent seat belt, that is) but too small for a fort.

so i'm on a fort hunt, searching out ideas. right now, i'm eyeing the wall of laurel by the fence line. hmmm... we'll keep you posted.

for now, if you like forts too, check out All for the Boys' Fort Fridays, where there's a weekly round-up of images and inspiration from around the web. i am a regular visitor there! and for some wonderful literary inspiration, go out and find Andrew Henry's Meadow, definitely one of the best books you could ever own as a family – in our family's opinion anyway – and you can support an independent little publishing house while you're at it!

recipe: the Mr. Rogers banana snack

like many of you dear readers, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was a staple on my television set. even into the double-digit ages, it was something my brother and i would watch together (if only out of boredom). then came a re-run of episode 1538 (yeah, i looked it up) in which Mr. Rogers focuses on healthy snacks and proceeds to demonstrate an easy treat that latch-key kids can make for themselves. it involved a banana, peanut butter, and raisins. the reaction from my brother and i was the same and simultaneous: "ewwww, gross!" we decided right then and there that we were officially too old to watch this kiddie show and clicked the power button, zapping Mr. Rogers into televised oblivion.

i have no idea why this memory has stuck with me over umpteen years. for some reason it had a lasting impact. perhaps it was for the (one of many) Day of Desperation i reached last week with my kiddos. they're hungry (or bored) and want a snack. what to offer this time?

maybe it was the guy in a banana suit who's been jazzin' it up on the corner daily for a month now. maybe it was Sweet One's recent discovery of a Mr. Rogers spin-off, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. (maybe it was boredom.) in any case, it happened – i resorted to healthy snack episode 1538.

and... it actually tasted pretty good. it's kind of a staple around here now. "Mom? can we have the banana snack?" hm. thank you, Mr. Rogers.

the Mr. Rogers banana snack
- adapted from episode 1538
serves 1

ingredients
1 banana
creamy almond butter
oat circles cereal (or finely chopped nuts)

instructions
1. pour a small amount of cereal into a shallow bowl and set aside (enough to coat half a banana or so).
2. peel the banana halfway or all the way, depending on your child's particular pickyness.
3. take a butter knife or spoon and spread nut butter around banana, about halfway down.
4. roll in cereal (or finely chopped nuts).

sigh, it's a beautiful day...

book pick: Beep and Bah

my brother got married last month, and i was his best woman (ahhhh). as part of the bridal party introductions, we were supposed to come up with a "hidden talent." i couldn't think of anything besides being handy with an em-dash—you know, like this—but that was my "known talent." well, i finally thought of one.

drum roll... my hidden talent: sound effects for picture books. (cymbal crash!)

i realize that in print, that was totally anticlimactic. (imagine a wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaah here.) but just work with me here, people.

i rock the animal sounds, kerplink-kerplank-kerplunk's, squishy mud sounds using spit and that part of the mouth between the cheek and jaw ... dude, i even occasionally throw in a la-la-la soundtrack. (i do, however, avoid Donald Duck, which i cannot mimic. we leave that one to Daddy, who can.)

so it comes as no surprise that we've been reading and re-reading Beep and Bah around our house, a colorful, cartoonish caricature of two friends—a goat and a robot—as they search for a missing sock, asking various animals along the way if they possess its match (mooooo, grrrooowl, squeekity squeek, eeeeeooooooo). Beep and Bah have a great adventure, plowing along until they hit the end of the road, never quite realizing how close they are to that elusive (and smelly?) sock...

this uber-onomatopoeic picture book comes from James Burks ("professional maker-upper-er"), a one-time animator for the likes of Nickelodeon, Warner Bros. and Disney. so he's definitely an illustration talent (the kind of person who produces this in an hour while drinking a coffee at Starbucks). and this book shows he's also got a great sense for humorous storytelling, too.

a lot of the fun sounds are built into this book. but consider also:

- adding a bit of the William Tell Overture to the opening Bah-waking-up-in-the-morning panes

- pop-pop-popping or otherwise giving sound to Beep and Bah's movements through the book (don't forget to muffle them when Beep goes into the quick sand)

- move your finger up and down your throat for the parts where they speak underwater

- invoke your inner Dory for the whale call

so, what books do you like best for their sounds?

make the kids work for that sweet tooth

it's the day after Halloween, and we have piles of candy. the mommy tax was in full effect last night and i am learning that too much taxation without representation leads to a tummy ache. but while i waited for the sugar crash to dissipate enough to sleep last night, i decided to take up a great activity a friend passed along. her kids came up with the idea of going on an Easter egg hunt with their candy-collecting pumpkin buckets. genius! and since we have a bunch of the little plastic eggs from last Easter (that i could actually find in the garage), i decided to take up the idea for a post-Halloween candy hunt!

make the kids work for those sweets!

1the pint-size nature of Halloween candy lends itself well to this. smaller candies work best, like individual Starbursts, but you'd be surprised what can fit in even the smallest plastic egg. mini candy bars, flavored Tootsie rolls, and smaller sweets taken out of the box -- like Dots and Junior Mints -- fit great too.

2to continue keeping the girls' candy stashes with their respective owners (mommy privileges notwithstanding), i color-coded the hunt. Sweet One's are all in yellow eggs. Little One gets a mix of purple and pink, since i didn't have enough of any one color besides yellow.

3i'm doing this candy hunt in stages as i feel the girls need a distraction (and won't be hurt by a little bit more sugar). for the first round, we're sticking to the kitchen and making the hiding places ones where they'll discover them in the course of daily activities, such as emptying the dishwasher, grabbing a bib or spoon from the drawer, a cup from the cupboard, etc. Little One already found her first egg in her favorite hiding place for the things she pilfers (little klepto).

this is an easy way to slow the rate of consumption with younger kids.

later, with Sweet One – and for any of your older kids out there – you can switch to making the big pile a lesson in decision-making as suggested by A Mom With a Lesson Plan, who also compiles a list of some other ideas for addressing The Pile. candy art, anyone?