get your flu shot

original image from DJ Crazy Gabe via Flickr

by Melissa

the flu is going around and slacker me hit panic mode and brought the girls in for the vaccine today, the latest i've ever gone. i had figured it was too late. turns out it's not. Sweet One asked why we needed to do this. i was sick of answering the question like a first-grade scientist. so i went with the simple explanation: "we get a poke so we don't puke."

the explanation worked, and off we went. the girls did great. they looked at a calendar picture of a puppy while they got their squeeze-n-poke. and, hey, there's stickers. you can't argue with the lure of stickers. i will never understand that. the stickers rarely last. it's not uncommon, in fact, for them to end up on the floor of the car before we get home. and yet... "oooh! stickers!" hey, whatever works. i don't need a sticker. i did, however, need that puppy to look at. needles freak me out. but like spiders, i can kick that duty's arse if my girls are around. i morph from wimpy me into Super Mom. "just watch Mommy, sweeties, there's nothing to it."

no, really, there's nothing to it.

pulling rank

i've been filing away those precious lines that seem to get through my kids' cute skulls with silly-sanisms, lines to use on your kids. so far, we've dove into the sea and rocketed into the future for inspiration. this week, i want to give a shout-out to Colleen over at Mommie Daze, an awesome blogger from my old stomping grounds in West Michigan. since starting this blog, i've come across many talented (and veteran) writers, and Mommie Daze has some great stuff going on – with that humorous quality i value, to boot.

Colleen has a list of Things Only a Parent Would Say, and this recent one really got me laughing:

i like to think of this as a variation on the more traditional "because i said so" vein of parental verbiage. sometimes kids have to be reminded of their place. it's a place of cuteness and overflowing love and squishy tushies. but also a place of fortheloveofallthatisholy-would-you-just-listen-to-your-mother?

this could also serve as a great diversionary tactic. i can already sense how this might go down with my 5-year-old.

"Sweet One, stop that."

"grumble, grumble"

"Sweetie, i need you to stop that right now."

"ugh! why Mom?!"

"just stop it."

"argh! i don't want to! whyyyyyyyyyy?"

"because i was not born yesterday. you were."

crickets, crickets, crickets

"no i wasn't. i was born in June!" moment of thought "how long 'til my birthday, Mom? is it the day after this day?"

and, badabingbottaboom, we're on to a new topic.

what ways do you put a spin on "because i told you so?" have any lines of your own to share that have worked on your kids? comment on this post, or email sillyissane@gmail.com.



and in case you missed the last two silly-sanisms...

#2	#1

abort, abort!

uh, ground control? we've got a problem. minor flesh wound to cadet no. 1 on upper deck. stranded cadet no. 2 in lavatory, one level below. captain is in the middle, engaged in mortal combat with invading force that is slipping in through a crack in hold, threatening to destroy critical systems. (die, alien arachnid! you stand no chance against my paper towel roll of DOOM!) repeated requests for backup by cadet no. 1 are gaining in intensity. cadet no. 2 is falling out of contact; radio silence could indicate secondary mop-up mission. status briefing made clear to cadet no. 1 that captain is otherwise engaged. space dementia may be settling in...

you can't blame the children. they lack a fundamental awareness of the space-time continuum (namely, that there is one). when no one is bleeding (much) and there is no (real) crisis, the best tactic to reeling in young emotions that threaten to hurtle off into outer orbit is the diversionary tactic.

new feature: lines to use on your kids

remember Super Sillypants? well, i've got some more silly lines to use on young children who seem predisposed to being oblivious to the obvious. introducing silly sanisms. is that a word? sanism? no. do you care? no. you just spent all night nursing a fussy infant, "waking up" to make the kindergartner a semi-healthy school snack (hey, the Goldfish are whole grain), and somewhere in there managing to actually brush your hair and look half-way presentable (dude, i totally put on clean jeans today!).

the first silly sanism i would like to present for your use answers the onslaught of requests that grow exponentially with (a) each additional child in your brood and (b) the number of nanoseconds from the first query to your response.